Spiritual Healing & Miscarriage

 There are days when I still think about “her”. Of course, I don’t know “really” if the baby inside me was a girl or not…not for sure. But in my mind, she was created, with a name, and face, and fingers, and love.  I express gratitude each day for the experience with her.

This isn’t a well-known fact about me that I have shared with others. I mean…I have a lot of fans on several social media websites, community websites, and my own personal website where I share things like what trip I am taking, who I am connecting with, etc. but I haven’t shared this one area of my life. I had a miscarriage.

I have discovered as I had challenged and gently loved myself to heal from the miscarriage (both physically and spiritually) that many women (and men) feel a silent sadness and grieving. I use the word silent because an unborn child/fetus/ blob/etc is a touchy subject for many people and quite frankly, the ones who experience miscarriages have very little support and love for the grieving they may experience.

When I looked for support, I found some comfort from a few people in my life who experienced miscarriages, and still for them, it was (and is) still hard to express: the sadness, the hopefulness, the excitement, the disappointment, the challenge of already buying clothes for mom and baby, and the physical body changes. There was a lot of self-blame, mourning and sometimes confusion. My heart expanded with greater love and compassion the more stories and families I connected with ~ I wanted to heal and knew others wanted to heal as well.

I have studied for over five years the idea of equilibrating our emotions and overcoming the emotional attachments to the events in our lives. I have been very successful in some areas such as overcoming the victimhood mentality of sexual abuse, discovering multiple ways to reduce stress and even have begun building a successful coaching practice after I lost my “career” job. But this one…equilibrating the emotional attachment to having a miscarriage…well… I was lost.

How was I to express gratitude for “losing a baby”?

I spent a lot of time praying and mindful meditating. Finding center and grounding myself in God and what the Universe delivers was colossal. The greater movement, for me, was two more gigantic actions in my own healing:

1. Creating a list…literally…of the blessings of having a baby and the blessings of not having a baby; and
2. Identifying what came in to my life – like a baby – after the miscarriage took place.

Wow! This was eye-opening! It took some time and I began to feel a freedom from the pain. Some of the beautiful features I discovered, you ask?

1. Two weeks later, to the day, a university contacted me to let me know that I had been accepted to graduate school and funding would be no problem.
2. A closer relationship with my family than I have ever known.
3. Inspiring, gorgeous women (religious and spiritual) showed up in my life who have been a great support. We are even talking about creating a specialized spiritual support group for families who have experienced miscarriages.
4. Creativity is flowing from me ~ more than I have ever experienced. You know when you have to think of ways to keep your child entertained – you have to be creative – it feels so much like that. Writing is become much more natural, an idea to expand my businesses and authentically connecting with men and women all across the globe has been expanding beyond my imagination.

If this wasn’t enough, my list grew to at least twenty more items.

While at times, I still feel sad, I loving remind myself of the gift I’ve been given now. If God chooses for me to experience biological parenting, then I know it will happen in universal, divine time. Until then…I am gratefully blessed with the life I am living –

It is quite superb!

Comments? Questions?

Email me or comment below!

Living LIfe Vivaciously,

Alison Nail ~ Catalyst to Create an Inspiring Life

I’ve always prided myself in knowing more about cars than the “average” woman. I know how to change my oil, check my tire pressure (and know how many PSI’s need to be in my tires), change the air filter, and the difference between the alternator and battery as well.

So you can imagine my frustration when I started my car, this rainy morning, pulled out of my parking lot and my SUV dies. So I tried it again. Dead. Of course, thinking if I just try it one more time…surely it will go!

Nope.

So, I hopped out of my car (which by the way I was wearing some very cute boots today), put my SUV in nuetral and pushed. I didn’t get very far but I did manage, in cute boots and rain, to get it closer to the curb. I jumped back in to my car and started it again. I guided my car in the next parking spot just before…yes you guessed it…dead.

About 6 months ago, when I relocated to Phoenix, a very good friend of mine strongly encouraged me, as a single woman, I should get AAA – just in case! (I had experienced a flat tire and used this same friend’s AAA card to get my flat fixed.) As soon as I moved to Phoenix, I purchased an annual membership to AAA.

I called AAA immediately. On a morning with so many accidents and rain, I thought I wouldn’t see anyone for a very long time. AAA was out with the Battery Check guy within 25 minutes. He asked me what happened and what sounds my beautiful SUV was making. I told him I thought it had something to do with the fuel pump but the AAA representative said they needed to check the battery first. He discovered my battery was fine; however he thought my hunch was pretty sound. He was very kind and understanding and called the tow truck for me. He stayed until the tow truck came – which by the way, came in 10 minutes.

The AAA Tow Truck guy was relieved to see my SUV was a 2 wheel drive since he had just loaded another car from an accident. He was so nice as he loaded up my car. He even opened the door for me and showed me the 3 different handle bars to hoist myself up in to his truck to ride to the mechanic.

After discovering the shocking amount of work that needed to be done on my white SUV, I called AAA again. A friend of mine knows a great mechanic in south Phoenix (Mesa) who could do the same work for over half the price but my SUV needed to be towed again. Within 45 minutes another AAA Tow Truck driver showed up and was just as nice as the other 2 representatives I experienced.

Throughout my rather stressful experience, AAA definitely eased my mind, made this whole transition of my car so much more pleasant in what seemed to be a rather stressful moment.

Using the Equilibrations Techniques, featured in the Thank God I…Imperfectology education(http://www.thankgodi.com/192.html), I began to see the blessing in this circumstance as well:.

1. AAA is awesome! 2. Several people showed up in my life that helped/(and helping) me out tremendously and 3. I was right – it was my fuel pump! hee hee…

Inspired Thoughts on Living Vivaciously

Spirituality: An Experiential Moment of Knowledge

For thirty days, I took a spiritual fast.

I stopped reading the three or four books I have a tendency to read at one time. I stopped having purposeful, spiritual conversations with others. I didn’t wear my spiritual jewelry. I didn’t meditate intentionally. I stopped everything related to any spiritual thought, moment, doing, reading, listening, eating, everything.

It was hard.

Why did I do it?

I was tired of searching. I was tired of researching. I wanted to rest.

Someone suggested to me to do the very opposite that I always do and see what happens.

What happened next was truly spiritual in itself.

Have you ever heard the saying about love, “When you stop looking, the “one” shows up.”? Well, the One showed up for me. Oneness in myself, with in myself and with God.

Here are a few excerpts from my daily journal ~

Day 1 through Day 5 = Torture! I have nothing to read. No music to listen to and this is challenging for me to have conversations that do not revolve around some level of spirituality (outside of my professional conversations). I am going through withdrawals; however, I was determined to just rest.

The biggest question I am faced with – what does Alison truly believe within her core? It’s not just lip service anymore.

Day 6 – Day 10 = I am finding that everyone has their own opinion of what spiritually is right for everyone else in the world. People all around talk a lot about their own practices, habits and beliefs. I shake my head and make a motion like a zipper closing on my mouth. I am not talking about it!

Okay ~ so I am going to take a real hiatus. I think instead of all this “spiritual” stuff, I am going to focus on something else. I am making a commitment to work out everyday and find the nutritional values of the foods I am eating. I have done okay, but I think now that I have some extra time, I can really dedicate my mind and physical body to increasing endurance, strength, and nutritional health.

I am finding that I am beginning to really enjoy feeling my body move and change shape. I am feeling a sense of clarity ~ sort of like a blank chalkboard.

The biggest question I am faced with now ~ What really is perfection and love?

Day 11 – Day 15 = I am preparing for a trip to Nashville for work and panel interviews for nurses that I am hoping to hire. I am excited because I am also going to connect with people I know in Nashville and some other friends that are vendors.

I soon discover that my body craves a daily workout. I have started running, training my body for a 5K and honestly enjoy it.

Everyday, my feet long to feel the ground, enjoy the smells of the outdoors and feel the Flagstaff wind on my body. I feel much more in touch with who I am, the grace I am feeling inside, and the silence of the sunrise astonishes me at 4:30 in the morning. The level of gratitude for present moments and feelings are truly amazing me.

The biggest question I am faced with now ~ Has the Sun always looked this beautiful everyday?

Day 16 – Day 20 = My conversations with people are just blowing me away! They are spiritual in nature, but there is a sense of ease and confidence of words that are …well…being channeled from my head, to my heart, to my mouth. I am feeling physically energized.

I am also experiencing very challenging, in-your-face relationship conflicts – in the workplace, in my friendships, in my dating circle. I feel empowered in sharing what I want to say and express what I need. I am definitely not perfect in that expression – it’s almost the extreme opposite of what I used to do. So the words are not coming out as I’d like for them to; however, some of those people in those relationships are also empowered to tell me, “Alison, perhaps you should look at what you are saying and how you are saying this or that….”. Thank God there are some people who have enough courage to tell me so.

The biggest question I am faced with now ~ How do I learn the best techniques in effective, supportive communication to myself and with others?

Day 21 – Day 24 = I sent a request to a friend to assist me in my financial endeavors. I am tired of not knowing where the money from my paycheck is going. I have a lot preparation to do – wow! After my meeting, I saw how much attachment I have to the thought of “lack of money” ~ no wonder I am not attracting abundance monetarily as I know I am capable of doing.

I am truly allowing so much to come in to my life. More projects and clients are presenting themselves to me – especially since I shifted my thinking of money. Money is energy – and it is always present.

I am also building some very close bonds with my family and friends again.

The biggest question I am faced with now ~ Am I truly willing to show up for myself in the area of abundance?

Day 25 – Day 30 = Along the way, of this 30 day journey of spiritual fasting, body cleansing and energetic building – I have connected with some of the most amazing people, projects and places.

The greatest discovery – the goddess within me. I woke up, on day 30, totally in love with my life. My entire spine and body readjusted itself.

This week, others discovered the change with in me ~ both physically and energetically.

Thank God I left Spirituality behind.

Now…it is me, spirituality fully integrated, and closer to “One” more than ever.

The biggest question I am faced with now…
Hmmm…I don’t have one. I am just living presently moment to moment.
Perhaps later I will have more questions

Equilibration ~ the achievement of a balance between opposing elements or forces.

I was introduced to this term, “Equilibration”, a little less than a year ago.  I began co-creating with John Castagnini, founder of the “Thank God I” book series in telling a story of events in my life.  I wrote a series of paragraphs describing the sexual molestation, denial from family and law authorities, and the emotional roller coaster I felt for the larger part of my life. Through this physical story, several interviews and speaking engagements, I started to understand the essence of Equilibration. . . more on this in a moment.

This morning, after finishing my daily workout, I sat in the lobby of Nashville’s Gaylord Opryland Resort and Convention Center eating breakfast.  In front of me, on the black, glossy table, laid the USA Today Newspaper. One of the main articles read, “No Closure for Columbine – Decade Later, Colorado tragedy still charges emotions.”  This caught my attention and proceeded to read this amazing article.

In the story, it depicted blow-by-blow of the shootings, the emotions, the families affected, and the history of the loopholes for gun control laws. There are even pictures of the teenagers who were the catalyst in carrying out this event; and here we are 10 years later looking back.

Disclaimer ~ Before I go further in to my article, I am in no way condoning behaviour that harms another.

For so long, I remember this story affecting everyone in high schools, schools, family, large communities, small communities, TV shows and movies. We have seen and read all of the “perceived” evil and wrong-doing – but here is where the Essence of Equilibration is so beautiful.

Through this event:

1. National, and perhaps even global, awareness was raised towards the emotional strain teenagers feel on a day-to-day basis.

2.  One of the shot teenagers motivated herself to learn how to walk again in less than six months. She crossed the stage to receive her diploma, in a time when many thought she may not recover. She is now a social worker assisting others through their perceived tragedies. She can truly empathize with those she touches.

3. One of the victim’s fathers, fought for a change in law for gun control so that teenagers would have less of an opportunity to buy their own guns.

4. Many of the students went on to publicly speak about their experiences so that others would be motivated and inspired.

and

5. One of the students, later in life, wrote a screenplay, which has been produced, and will be shown later this April.

Equilibration is a process that balances out what we perceive as “negative” and as “positive” so that there is a state of inspiration and balance. Do you see that through a “tragic” event, so much good came out of it?

In my own story, “Thank God I … was Sexually Molested.” , I am truly embracing the Essence of Equilibration. I am not a victim of my circumstances, and I am inspired to share with you my perspective of how I am grateful for a series of events and gratitude that brought me to equilibration.  Would you like to know more? Write me at alisonanail@hotmail.com and I will enjoy sharing with you.

Living Vivaciously,
Alison Nail, alisonanail@hotmail.com
Spiritual Catalyst and Life Coach
Harmony In Healing
(www.harmonyinhealing.com)

Inspirations for Vivacious Living: Living the Life You Love
First Steps in the Journey

March 28, 2009

Many times, along our path, we are unclear about what we truly have a passion and inspiration for in life. Surprisingly, far more people seem to know what they do NOT want, rather than what they DO want.

Understand… you ARE presently living the life you love. You ask, “How can that be? I am not where I want to be in life. I should be doing this…or I want to be doing that.” You see, you are living the life you love ~ At this moment and every moment you are living the life you love! If you weren’t living a life that you want to live vivaciously, then you would be living a different life with different values, with different actions, with different synergy of motion.

Finding that love, that inspiration, is a critical step of gaining momentum in your life. It first starts with loving the life you live right in this moment for what it is, as it is. Then find the balance between: “What You Love” and “What You Do Not Love”. Answer these questions until you find an equal amount of answers. While finding the balance, you begin to experience a moment of gratitude, of love, of an open heart and you find the center.

Explore you Inspiration in loving the life you live right now, explore the Life you want to live in delicious Vivaciousness.

Please feel free to connect with me to explore deeper in to Vivaciousness!

Living Vivaciously,
Alison Nail
Spiritual Catalyst and Life Coach
Harmony In Healing
(www.harmonyinhealing.com)

Inspirational Thoughts for Living Vivaciously:
Is your “profile” naked? What is your Passion?

Part 1
March 2009

More and more, people are connecting with others through different social websites. Many times in order to fill our sense of regret in not staying in touch with those we wish we would have; sometimes in order to fill our longing to reach out to others, and maybe even to expose our ego and alternate personality.

Our own lives are very similar, in that we are taught to create a persona. As children we are just who we are, until we are taught that who we are needs to be something else. Thus, we loose our vulnerability, we loose the spark and passion of who we are and want to be.

Recently, I read the book, “The Prophet”, by Kahlil Gibran. When the main character is asked to tell his audience about Passion, he responds, “Your Soul is often times a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against your passion and your appetite.”

In Webster’s dictionary, Passion is defined as: “an intense, driving, or overmastering feeling; a strong desire or devotion to some activity, object, or concept.”

For those of you who may be new to my writings, I usually describe from my very own experiences and the “a-ha” moments of gratitude, of challenges, of inspiration. In particular, there have been a series of learning events that have taken place for me, simply because I asked the Universe/God, to create opportunities to pursue my passion.

Writing is a passion of mine, and have found that it creates energy in facilitating others, but most importantly, facilitating growth for me. In asking for these opportunities, I have committed to the Universe, to God, that each week I will compose stories and the story behind the story, in the hopes to continue to remain naked, to remain vulnerable, to remain open to facilitating for others. I also understand I will not reveal anything new to you that isn’t already “half awake” in you. This is my work.

“And if you cannot work with love, but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy,” “The Prophet”, by Kahlil Gibran.

I look forward to sharing with you how I become a “lover of all my elements”.

Being In Aloneness

(original writing – 10/05/08)

Over the last six months, or so, I have been under the tuteledge of an amazing spiritual facilitator. Through out my studies, the “I” have been stripped away, melted down, and slowly built in to a new being. Interestingly enough, even my appearance has changed (again) to incorporate the newness of the being created within.

Many exciting adventures and discoveries have taken place; and, even in the midst of this instruction, many other teachers have crossed my path.My spiritual mentor has given me the space to learn the following:

1)I am my own greatest guru and the One Source (God/dess, Universe, Spirit) supports us all.

I have seen, and have done myself, many seeking the newest technology, religion, relationship,spiritual practice or latest diet, to find the peace and agility in our heart we so desire to find. Throughout my studies in many religions and levels of spirituality, I find that each follower is looking for something ~ and a lot of the times, it is looking for “it” outside of ourselves.

One of the greatest “guru”s I have met, Za Rinpoche, said, “As you sit before me and think I am some great guru, you must realize, that I am a simple man. And really…as you sit before me-you sit before yourself.”

This, for me, has been and is the ultimate surrender~honoring myself as the same energy as those who I have deemed to be “more” spiritual than me. To God/Source, we are already perfect; we are already love, we are already infinitely beautiful and cherished.

2)Being in Aloneness is not the same as feeling Lonely.

I have struggled with this my whole life~and if you believe in past lives, I have been told I have struggled with this for centuries. Regardless of what my past lives might have been, I only know this present life for sure. I have made many decisions based on the survival instinct of not being alone ~ which really broke down to loneliness.

I cannot count the number of times, I was left alone and abandoned. I also have a sister and brother who felt this abandonment. For me, being left alone with my siblings, made me move into survival. Remembering a specific time of being abandoned, I swore on the ninth, cement block step ~in front of some old lady’s house~ that I would never be alone, and never experience this again, and I would never give anyone the opportunity to do that to me. (Yes, I know it’s cliche but I had abandonment issues! lol)

And…as luck would have it~ I lived up to that expectation. I always left so that they could not leave me. This included friendships, relationships, jobs, etc. I realized it was about the fear of being lonely rather than the fear of being alone.

God/Source began to remove many people in my life – at first it was very slow, but when I got deeper into meditation, prayer and honoring myself ~ the ‘removal’ process progressed in lighting speed. Even semi-walls were created so that I could face my aloneness.

My aloneness.

Yes, loved readers, I still had friends and family around me, encouraging me, loving me unconditionally. But in my aloneness, I saw…

something even greater.

Me.

Being present in my aloneness meant I meditated and prayed more often. I created safe spaces so that those who desired to stay in my life would know the genuiness in my love for them. Being in my aloneness meant I stop to listen. Being in my aloneness means knowing…

that I am not by myself.

that even if there were no physical bodies around me in my life

I am still present

and so is God/Source.